I’ve been reflecting on the profound impact that unvoiced, hidden, and unprocessed grief has on our lives. Many people I speak with daily have been touched by a deep sense of loss or brokenness. My hope is to shed light on this journey for others.

For as long as I can remember, I’ve felt a sadness and longing for something more, always just out of reach. Mediocrity seemed to be the high point. If I’m honest, expectations for me were never high, and I settled into them like a second skin. These unspoken expectations held power, creating an environment where I, like water, found the lowest point.

You might wonder about the connection between sadness and low expectations. This question has driven me for as long as I can remember. What prompts one person to grow in adversity while another shrinks back from the light? For me, it was the seedbed of sadness that led to not trying.

I remember vividly the time when sadness became my constant companion. My dad sat my brother and me down to tell us he was leaving because he and mom were getting a divorce. That moment internalized a message: I WAS BROKEN. Sadness became a constant companion, and I feel like I’ve been grieving that loss my whole life—grieving what I thought I lost, grieving the undeveloped parts inside me, longing for someone to call out the dormant best parts of me, and looking in all the wrong places.

Years later, I started connecting the dots of my grief and its outcomes. At thirteen, during track practice with my friend Dennis Myamoto, I noticed my low self-awareness and apathy. We would take breaks at his house during runs, lasting 15-20 minutes, and then head back to practice. No one but Dennis and I knew. But come race day, I suffered needlessly because I expected an outcome that didn’t match my training effort. I blamed everyone but myself. For me, grief and apathy ran together.

Fast forward several decades to the birth of my first son, Jackson. I was overwhelmed with joy but also sad. Sad because I didn’t think I had anything to pass on to him. Sad because I didn’t want him to suffer from the same low expectations and minimal results. So, I began working on myself. I dug deep into self-care, therapy, and anything I could find to fill the gaping hole I thought was there. But grief and sadness were vigilant guards of the void, keeping the help and healing I sought at a distance. It wasn’t until I embraced vulnerability at a deep level that sadness began to abate, and apathy fought hard to maintain its hold. I couldn’t understand why I wasn’t experiencing the abundant life Jesus promised. As I began to uncover the sadness and reframe the past, I saw more clearly that God had already provided the escape. My mind and beliefs were the obstacles. In light of a bright future, the weight of grief took on a redemptive tone. This feeling of grief, while still heavy, gave me perspective and new meaning to the past. I’m coming into a new place in my life—one that is less sad, less fixated on staying hidden, and more profoundly filled with gratitude and appreciation for God being with me every step of the way.

It is liberating to see how my perspective on grief has evolved significantly over time. Initially, grief felt like an overwhelming burden, a constant companion that I couldn’t shake off. It was tied to feelings of brokenness and low expectations, making it difficult to see beyond the immediate pain and loss.

However, as I began to work on myself—through self-care, therapy, and embracing vulnerability—I started to see grief in a new light. Instead of viewing it as an enemy, I began to understand it as a source of strength and growth. This shift happened gradually as I reframed my past experiences and recognized that my beliefs and mindset were the real obstacles.

Grief, while still heavy, started to take on a redemptive tone. It gave me perspective and new meaning to my past, helping me appreciate the journey and the lessons learned. I realized that grief and sadness were not just sources of pain but also catalysts for deeper understanding and personal growth.

Now, I see grief as a part of my story that has shaped who I am today. It has taught me resilience, empathy, and the importance of embracing vulnerability. This change in perspective has allowed me to live a life filled with gratitude and appreciation for the support and guidance I’ve received along the way.

in conclusion, grief has been a profound teacher in my life, imparting several key lessons that have shaped my journey:

1. Resilience

Grief taught me the importance of resilience. Facing deep sadness and loss forced me to find inner strength I didn’t know I had. It showed me that even in the darkest times, there’s a capacity to endure and eventually heal.

2. Empathy

Experiencing grief firsthand has deepened my empathy for others. It has made me more sensitive to the pain and struggles of those around me, allowing me to connect with them on a more profound level. This empathy has been crucial in my coaching and mentoring work.

3. Vulnerability

Grief pushed me to embrace vulnerability. Initially, I tried to hide my pain, but I realized that true healing began when I allowed myself to be open and honest about my feelings. This vulnerability has strengthened my relationships and helped me build deeper connections.

4. Self-Awareness

Grief forced me to confront my emotions and understand my reactions. It made me more self-aware, helping me recognize patterns of behavior and thought that were holding me back. This self-awareness has been a cornerstone of my personal growth.

5. Gratitude

Through the process of grieving, I’ve learned to appreciate the small moments of joy and the support of loved ones. Grief has taught me to be grateful for the present and to cherish the people and experiences that bring meaning to my life.

6. Acceptance

One of the hardest lessons grief taught me is acceptance. Accepting that some things are beyond my control and that loss is a part of life has been liberating. It has allowed me to let go of the past and focus on the possibilities of the future.

7. Purpose

Grief has given me a sense of purpose. It has driven me to help others navigate their own journeys of loss and healing. By sharing my experiences and insights, I hope to provide support and guidance to those who are struggling.

These lessons have transformed my perspective on life and have been instrumental in my personal and professional growth. Grief, while painful, has ultimately been a source of strength and wisdom.