Shame tells you that you are bad, wrong, and broken. It whispers that you are inherently flawed, not just that you have made mistakes. Shame unravels the story of belonging, the narrative of connection to something greater, the truth that you are unique and loved. This truth is embedded in the creative act of being formed in God’s image. Shame, however, whispers a new story in your ear, one that says you are unlovable and that if people really knew you, they would disown or abandon you. It replaces the story of being God’s sons and daughters with that of being orphans competing for scraps of affection. Shame screams that you are nobody, that you are not loved or valued for who you are, so you work hard to create a persona that people will like or, even better, love.

Shame gains a deep foothold because it attaches itself to a story—a story you tell yourself about yourself. While treatments like CBT and other techniques can help with thoughts and sometimes feelings, they don’t get to the root—the story we tell ourselves. Until we create a new story, reframe the past, and leave the old for the new, we will simply carry our past with us and continue to create the same outcomes. This new story, rooted in a new you, will uproot the old. If this story is rooted in these three transformative and essential narratives, then it is a counterfeit story and will simply lead to a repeat of the past. These narratives are:

1. Identity – We are created in God’s image (Genesis 1:27). Understanding our identity is crucial because it reminds us that we are inherently valuable and unique. Being created in God’s image means we are a reflection of His love, creativity, and purpose. This foundational truth combats the lie of shame that says we are worthless or flawed beyond repair.
2. Acceptance – We are God’s sons (Galatians 4:6). Acceptance is about knowing that we are loved and cherished just as we are. As God’s children, we are not defined by our mistakes or shortcomings. This acceptance provides a secure foundation from which we can grow and heal, knowing that our worth is not contingent on our performance or others’ opinions.
3. Restoration – We are accepted as sons despite our past (Luke 15:22). Restoration speaks to the transformative power of grace. No matter our past, we are welcomed back with open arms. This narrative of restoration assures us that we can be made whole again, that our past does not dictate our future, and that we can live in the fullness of our true identity and acceptance.

When we uproot the negative story where shame hides, we begin to change the picture of our past, present, and future. We uproot by first choosing to bring the negative story to light in the midst of healthy relationships. This is something you can’t do alone. We were made for relationships. We change the story, we change the thoughts, we change the feelings, and we change the actions. We do this again and again, and we will begin to see and feel hope for a new, bigger, and bolder future.